Desire Mercy Reflection 5 — “If you had known what these words mean…”
Reflecting on traditional beliefs about marriage, divorce, and remarriage, in light of the mercy of Jesus
‘Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent — the LORD detests them both.’
Proverbs 17: 15
You might remember in Desire Mercy — Reflection 1, that Jesus commented, as recorded in Matthew 12: 7:
“If you had known what these words mean, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent.’
We see that Jesus says if we have understanding, we should know that condemning the innocent is definitely not acceptable. Condemning the innocent is not okay with Jesus, so it certainly isn’t okay for those who claim to be his followers to condemn the innocent.
We saw in Reflection 4, that faith community members who promote the preservation of unloving marriages, are not demonstrating faith expressing itself in love toward an unloved marriage partner. They are in fact condemning the unloved marriage partner to further hurt and distress that they don’t deserve. The unloving marriage partner is fully responsible for their own unloving behaviour, not the partner they are mistreating.
Promoting the preservation of unloving marriages also acquits the marriage partner who is guilty of unloving behaviour, of the just consequences of their behaviour. This in fact reduces the likelihood that the person will reform their behaviour to a point of consistency, so that trust might be rebuilt over time, and reconciliation could even make sense, or have any real chance of lasting.
Another issue to consider is the area of remarriage. If the unloving marriage partner has broken their vows to love, honour and care for their marriage partner, can we condemn the unloved marriage partner to remain unmarried for the term of their natural life? That would appear to be an issue of condemning the innocent, wouldn’t it?
It was quite an eye-opener to find out that remarriage after divorce was a given in the times of Jesus. It makes sense when we know that women relied on men for protection and provision. We also know from Deuteronomy 24: 1–4 that if a man wanted to divorce his wife he was to give her a certificate of divorce. The certificate proved her eligibility to be remarried.
This commentary on Matthew 19: 9, at biblegateway.com sheds some light on this issue:
“Except for infidelity” may modify Jesus’ statement about divorce rather than remarriage (Heth and Wenham 1984:117; G. Wenham 1984 and 1986; compare against this position Murray 1953:39–43), but if it does, it does so precisely because in Jesus’ graphic statement it is the validity of the divorce that is in question. No one permitted remarriage if a divorce was invalid, but a valid divorce by definition included the right to remarry, as is attested by ancient divorce contracts (see, for example, m. Gittin 9:3; CPJ 2:10–12, 144; Carmon 1973:90–91, 200–201) and the very meaning of the term (besides sources in Keener 1991a, see, for example, Jos. Ant.4.253; Blomberg 1992:111).” (Bold added)
“…a valid divorce by definition included the right to remarry…”
That is, if your divorce was valid, you were not married, therefore you would not commit adultery if you remarried.
The possibility of committing adultery by remarriage, was only possible if the divorce was not valid, as in the case of divorcing for any cause at all, rather than for infidelity (in addition to failing to love, honour or care for a marriage partner as in Exodus 21: 10–11, which was not in question in Matthew 19: 3–9, or when an unbeliever chooses to end the marriage as in 1 Corinthians 7: 15).
For those of us who truly want to follow Jesus, we really need to be careful we aren’t blindly following traditional beliefs passed onto us, rather than reading the merciful and loving heart of God toward the innocent, unloved, divorced, and those who are poor and in need (also a possible result of abuse and divorce) throughout the Bible.
We must not condemn an unloved marriage partner for applying for a divorce, while ‘acquitting’ the unloving marriage partner’s abusive behaviour. It really doesn’t make any sense to do that, and God detests it if we do. He desires that we have mercy toward innocent, unloved marriage partners.
Read more in the Desire Mercy series, or find them all in one story, Mercy & Marriage:
Sharon Roberts-Radic is grateful for life, freedom, mercy, and Jesus.
